While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
