I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
