I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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