if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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