i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
