Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
