My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
