Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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