i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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