i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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