Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Randomize
