My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
