My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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