we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
