Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
