Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
