there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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