just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
