Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
