hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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