That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
