I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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