just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
