I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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