How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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