Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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