I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
