Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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