I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
