Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
