I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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