So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
