You just made me feel so damn special
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
high people should be assigned attendants
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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