I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
