Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
