mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
