Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
