At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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