I love black thongs
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
