Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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