Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
