My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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