This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
