Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
