I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
