Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
