i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
