so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
