she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
