Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
