It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
