Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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